I've been having a hard time feeling.... ok? good? happy? fulfilled? satisfied? lately. I honestly can't really explain the way I've been feeling...
I know I have an amazing life. My dream job, which I love most days. Friends who are always there for me and some of the most fabulous people I've ever met. A boyfriend who has stood by me through thick and thin and treats me like a Princess and makes me smile everyday.
But I can't help but feel... paused.
At work, I'm happy but I can't help but feel like I could be doing more. I've recently been thinking about getting certified to teach all elementary grades, rather than just pre-K through 3rd. Though I love my friends and value every second I have with them, it's still difficult to get used to just how freaking HARD it is to maintain friendships as an adult. It's even harder when you feel like everyone around you is moving on a growing up and you're just twidling your thumbs. And then there's the biggest thing on my mind these days...
Moving out. In a way, I'm more than ready to get out of my parents house. Every night, I think about how I would design and paint and decorate my very own space. But, it's also terrifying to think about being financially independent and on my own. I don't really have any friends who are ready to move out with me, and I'm not sure a teachers salary can let me live (comfortably) by myself. I mean honestly, I don't really want to live alone. I've tried talking to Antonio about moving in together but he's just not ready to move in together. Which just adds to my anxiety and worries.
I've never talked about this on my blog before but a few years ago I was told by a counselor that I have all the signs of anxiety with an obsessive compulsive personality. This means that I worry. A lot. Like obsessively. Over and over. Until I can find a solid solution.
I guess all I want are some answers. Some definite plans and something to look forward to. To feel like I'm moving along and ahead. How do I do it though?
3 comments:
Once I landed my first teaching job, I was desperate to get out of my parents' house too. I went online to roommates.com and found someone who was renting out the second bedroom in her apartment. We ended up getting along pretty well. I know it's kind of hit-or-miss finding roommates online, but it worked for me. It's worth looking into, because if someone already has a place, you don't have to pay a security deposit and it's most likely a livable space. :) Also, some school districts have lists of apartment communities that offer discounts to teachers, and in some cases, have lists of other teachers who are looking for roommates. So you might want to check there too.
I feel the same way as you do about my career these days. I am going to request to transfer to a a position in high school (I teach middle school now). Sometimes just a little move or adjustment can be that push to get your creative juices flowing again. Who knows-- maybe just re-arranging or redecorating your classroom might get you out of your rut. I hope this helps a little! Just remember that everything will work itself out in the end!
It must just be that time in our lives because you are not alone, love. For me, it's so easy to get wrapped up in the future and the things I want to accomplish and how I can make them happen. I feel kind of stalled too, especially because so much of what I want to do depends on getting a new job, which is where I'm stuck. What I've been working on is enjoying where I am in life now, even if it isn't where I expected to be, and making the most of it. It also helps me to make small goals and take things one step at a time, and to not be too hard on myself when things don't go exactly as planned, because that's life! And to try to enjoy it, because I'll only be at this time in my life once. If all else fails, call/text me and we can commiserate! Love you, Ambs.
You are not alone! I'm in the EXACT same boat! And... I'm slightly ocd when it comes to planning things out and my future and how to get what I want.
I'm working a really great job but I too am worried about it covering all the costs of living out on my own. My advice there is just to try to stick it out as long as you can or set a date and move BUT save everything you can until then. That way you've given yourself a cusion.
As for the things with your bf. I can understand that part too. I'm currently single but if I had been with someone for a long time and they were still trying to figure out the living situation I would begin to wonder and have anxiety as well.
I'm sure everything is going to work out great though so don't worry! Just focus on one thing at a time!
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