Anyways, I've done quite a bit of soul searching this weekend. I've realized that I've allowed myself to become, for lack of a better term, old and grumpy. Over the last couple of days, I've finally accepted a few things about myself:
-I chose a very high stress career and have somehow allowed it to consume me. Although I love my job and could never imagine doing something else, I don't like the person it's turning me into.
-I often take out my anger and stress on the people who deserve it the very least.
-I have a very hard time recognizing and organizing my emotions, which generally allows them to just all turn to anger, regardless of the actual emotion I'm feeling.
-I'm hard headed.
-I like to make plans. Which is fine. But, I do not know how to deal when those plans change. This is not fine.
-I am in my mid twenties and just figuring out that things aren't always going to go my way. Also not cool.
And lastly, and possibly most importantly, I used to really be FUN. I used to genuinely enjoy life. A lot. I laughed and smiled and let my hair down a lot more often than I do now. My motto was "It's fine." meaning that things would work out. Everything would be fine. Don't worry about it. Let's just have fun now. I had gotten through an incredibly hard time in my life and came out smiling. Nothing was going to get me down. Ever again. I don't know when this happy go lucky part of my personality started to disappear, but I made a decision this weekend to get it back. While I realize now that I do have a pretty big amount of responsibility and that I am going to have times when I'm going to have to act like a grown up, that doesn't mean I have to be old. There is a difference between grown up and old.
So, in light of this revelation, I'm going to share a few pictures with you from that fun time in my life. Looking at these have become an inspiration for me the last few days...
