Soul Searching

First of all, thanks for the sweet comments on yesterday's post... Things aren't great right now but I know that deep down, as much as it sucks to not know what's going to happen, things will work out the way God knows they are supposed to. My faith in that fact has kept me sane this weekend...


Anyways, I've done quite a bit of soul searching this weekend. I've realized that I've allowed myself to become, for lack of a better term, old and grumpy. Over the last couple of days, I've finally accepted a few things about myself:

-I chose a very high stress career and have somehow allowed it to consume me. Although I love my job and could never imagine doing something else, I don't like the person it's turning me into.
-I often take out my anger and stress on the people who deserve it the very least.
-I have a very hard time recognizing and organizing my emotions, which generally allows them to just all turn to anger, regardless of the actual emotion I'm feeling.
-I'm hard headed.
-I like to make plans. Which is fine. But, I do not know how to deal when those plans change. This is not fine.
-I am in my mid twenties and just figuring out that things aren't always going to go my way. Also not cool.

And lastly, and possibly most importantly, I used to really be FUN. I used to genuinely enjoy life. A lot. I laughed and smiled and let my hair down a lot more often than I do now. My motto was "It's fine." meaning that things would work out. Everything would be fine. Don't worry about it. Let's just have fun now. I had gotten through an incredibly hard time in my life and came out smiling. Nothing was going to get me down. Ever again. I don't know when this happy go lucky part of my personality started to disappear, but I made a decision this weekend to get it back. While I realize now that I do have a pretty big amount of responsibility and that I am going to have times when I'm going to have to act like a grown up, that doesn't mean I have to be old. There is a difference between grown up and old.

So, in light of this revelation, I'm going to share a few pictures with you from that fun time in my life. Looking at these have become an inspiration for me the last few days...

Blankets, Bottles, and Babies... Oh My!

Lately, it seems as though everyone around me either has, or is expecting a baby! As I told you all before, my Phi Mu little is expecting her first little girl in January and another one of my Phi Mu sisters just had a little boy in November. And one of my coworkers, who actually shares a 1/2 wall with me (I teach in an open space school, so there aren't any real walls/doors/etc.) is going to be having a beautiful baby girl in May! So, imagine my surprise when in early November a good friend of mine from the (ahem:: AWFUL ::ahem) restaurant I worked out throughout high school and college collected our group to announce her pregnancy!

As I said, a little over a month ago, my good friend Adrienne asked myself and our other two friends, Megan and Katie, to dinner, we assumed it was a typical Hef (what we like to call ourselves... don't ask) get together. However, when she arrived, we could tell that she was ready to burst with something. In late October, Adrienne found out that she would be delivering a bouncing baby boy... in MID JANUARY! Needless to say, this little miracle wasn't exactly planned, but definitely an exciting addition to our little group!

We scrambled to get things, and a baby shower with the help of Adrienne's sister, together for Adrienne and baby Boy. Last weekend, we were able to spend an afternoon together, celebrating the new life that Adrienne will soon be bringing to us! We played some fun games, ate delicious food, and OOOHed and AHHHed and AWWWed while Adrienne and her boyfriend opened at least 25 adorable baby boy outfits.

Earlier this week, before the Storm of the Century hit in our area, The Hefs got together at for our annual Christmas dinner. Every year during dinner, we talk about the things that have happened and changed in our lives this year, as well as the things we're hoping for in the year ahead. This year, we had a TON to talk about: Megan got married in September, Katie is engaged and will have her wedding in July, Adrienne will be a new Mommy in less than a month, and I finally landed my dream job as a real life elementary school teacher! It would be selfish to say that I was a little bummed that my "big change" had to do with my career, rather than my love life or a new family, but on the other hand, I saw a dream I've had since I was a little girl come true this year. A big accomplishment if you ask me (even if it doesn't include a diamond ring...)

At the end of dinner, we contemplated whether we might have two babies (or at least one more on the way) at our next Hef Christmas dinner, or if Adrienne or myself would be the next to get hitched. I knew for sure that I was so happy for all three of my friends for the amazing lives they've created for themselves, and their new families.